it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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