Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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