I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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