Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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