Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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