Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize