Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize