I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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