I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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