apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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