My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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