then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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