actually, I'm a sock model
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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