Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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