During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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