Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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