why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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