bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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