Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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