Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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