PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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