Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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