2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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