Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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