Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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