I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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