girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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