i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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