my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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