Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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