my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize