No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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