He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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