um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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