just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize