I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
and you fell through a lawn chair
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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