it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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