those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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