So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize