Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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