i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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