Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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