This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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