I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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