Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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