One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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