I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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