Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life is pants optional.
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