I think I am morally bankrupt
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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