**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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